Standing straight out, firm and unwavering, it points towards a glorious future! A shining finger, it’s glorious light banishing all lies and darkness before it! His voice is clear, his conviction loud! The struggle isn’t over yet! No, in fact he has only begun to turn it around!
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE ACE ATTORNEY SERIES
FOLDSPACE is the upcoming audio drama/comedy/campaign that will be hosted right here at ThreeHeadedBoy. For those of you who are interested in the setting, story or just what the hell I’m doing with Traveller, here is your official primer!
Another of your allies falls in battle. With a grim taste in your mouth, you recall him from the front line. Five down, one left. Your rival sneers at you from across the field. You’ve wanted to show him up since childhood, and this was supposed to be your big chance. Shame things never seem to work out they way you want them. Your hand reaches up to touch the small red and white orb hanging around your neck. Do you dare? Can you afford not to? Relying on its power is dangerous, and there’s no telling what the side effects could be. You think back to that puppy orphanage, six months ago. They’re still cleaning that up.
You raise your head, and lock eyes with the adversary. In his eyes you see the pride, the smugness, the total douche-baggery that you’ve hated for all of these years. Something inside you mans the f**k up. You don’t care anymore. You don’t care that he’s the old man’s grandson. You don’t care that there are thousands of innocent bystanders watching.
No. You’ve come much too far for it all to end here – to end like this.
You rip the orb from its setting, and push the small button on the face. In a blink, it goes from the size of a marble to that of a softball, filling your hand. You flip your hat around, brim to rear, and reach back, throwing the pokéball with all of your might and shouting:
“DANGERZONE, I CHOOSE YOU!”
You sit at a table. Darkness surrounds you, a single spotlight illuminating the felt green battlefield. The three other generals sit next from you, their faces in shadow. Two cards, their backs red as blood wait in front of the mysterious dealer. His eyes hide behind aviator shades and he grins as he turns over the final card. Now five aces stand in a row. Five aces? How is that even possible?
With a knowing wink (how did you know about the wink, you can’t see his eyes!) he says, “ante up.” You reach out, and look at your cards in the hole. How odd, one says “Hypeway” and the other says “Dangerzone”. You decide that fortune favors the bold.
So Much Vanilla, Too Much Vanilla
This article really got away from me. It just grew and grew and didn’t seem like it was going to stop. I also didn’t know where it was going half-way through. If you want, here is what I got before giving up and moving on to new articles.
You are walking down a dark alley in the city. Lost and trying to find a way home, your attention is arrested by a nondescript wooden door. A barely legible sign seems to read, “Hypeway.” Your curiosity aroused, you open the door. Warm light and soft music pours out, as though the universe is trying to equalize some sort of pressure. Your eyes adjust to the brightness as you enter and you spy an elegant looking bar. A familiar looking bartender with aviator glasses stands in front of an army of bottles – positioned rank and file like old soldiers.
He stops polishing the pint glass in his hand to wave you over to the bar – a plush stool inviting you to sit. You take a seat and your eyes fall to the counter top. In its polished depths you see old warriors and famous poets staring back at you. After a moment transfixed, the sound of glass on wood draws your eyes to your new companion – a shot glass filled with glowing amber fluid.
You know what this is. A mystical tincture said to turn cowards into heroes, boys into men, and men into GODS: LIQUID HYPE.
You are sitting in a classroom. There are no windows, no professor, just an empty whiteboard and a clock endlessly ticking away towards the apocalypse. You look down at your desk but instead of your notebook find a large frog. He whispers to you the secrets of the universe; “he is coming.” After those words you hear a quiet whistle. It grows and grows soon becoming an all mighty roar – the sound Odin the All-father would make if he stepped on a Lego. The wall suddenly collapses as a harrier jet crashes through, parking itself between you and the teacher’s desk. The canopy opens and a man climbs out. School is now in session, boys and girls.
Pacific Rim is the newest summer blockbuster from Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy, Pan’s Labyrinth). But, let’s be honest, if you’re reading this then you probably already knew that. The best way I’ve found to sum up the movie is thusly: Gundams versus Cthulhu directed by GDT. What could go wrong?