Peter Jackson at his most entertaining
I remember getting the text form my friend. He had acquired a ticket for me, a ticket to see the second film in the Hobbit trilogy (because apparently a book that is half as long as ONE of the Lord of the Rings books needs to be three times as long). I had been burned four times before. The three LOTR films and first Hobbit while good were all very long and fairly slow affairs.
Sacrificing precious sleep, I joined my buddy and watched the Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug in IMAX 3D on opening night. People were excited. Some were dressed as their favorite dwarf or wood elf.
But was the movie any good? You bet.
Another of your allies falls in battle. With a grim taste in your mouth, you recall him from the front line. Five down, one left. Your rival sneers at you from across the field. You’ve wanted to show him up since childhood, and this was supposed to be your big chance. Shame things never seem to work out they way you want them. Your hand reaches up to touch the small red and white orb hanging around your neck. Do you dare? Can you afford not to? Relying on its power is dangerous, and there’s no telling what the side effects could be. You think back to that puppy orphanage, six months ago. They’re still cleaning that up.
You raise your head, and lock eyes with the adversary. In his eyes you see the pride, the smugness, the total douche-baggery that you’ve hated for all of these years. Something inside you mans the f**k up. You don’t care anymore. You don’t care that he’s the old man’s grandson. You don’t care that there are thousands of innocent bystanders watching.
No. You’ve come much too far for it all to end here – to end like this.
You rip the orb from its setting, and push the small button on the face. In a blink, it goes from the size of a marble to that of a softball, filling your hand. You flip your hat around, brim to rear, and reach back, throwing the pokéball with all of your might and shouting:
“DANGERZONE, I CHOOSE YOU!”
You sit at a table. Darkness surrounds you, a single spotlight illuminating the felt green battlefield. The three other generals sit next from you, their faces in shadow. Two cards, their backs red as blood wait in front of the mysterious dealer. His eyes hide behind aviator shades and he grins as he turns over the final card. Now five aces stand in a row. Five aces? How is that even possible?
With a knowing wink (how did you know about the wink, you can’t see his eyes!) he says, “ante up.” You reach out, and look at your cards in the hole. How odd, one says “Hypeway” and the other says “Dangerzone”. You decide that fortune favors the bold.
So Much Vanilla, Too Much Vanilla
This article really got away from me. It just grew and grew and didn’t seem like it was going to stop. I also didn’t know where it was going half-way through. If you want, here is what I got before giving up and moving on to new articles.
Pacific Rim is the newest summer blockbuster from Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy, Pan’s Labyrinth). But, let’s be honest, if you’re reading this then you probably already knew that. The best way I’ve found to sum up the movie is thusly: Gundams versus Cthulhu directed by GDT. What could go wrong?
This past weekend, I took a big step in the geek universe. a rite of passage.
This weekend, I took part in the midnight prerelease of Magic’s newest set, Dragon’s Maze.
Here are my thoughts.